Jewel
by blueroseulan
Summary: SONGFIC  Kenshin has chosen to share his burdens with her, and for that, she is happy, and for that there is nothing else that she can ask for. Based on Ayumi Hamasaki's song 'Jewel' RNR!


Fanfic by blueroseulan

February 2,2007

Standard Disclaimer's apply. RK doesn't and will never belong to me. Don't sue. Just review. I also don't own Ayumi Hamasaki's song 'Jewel'. I just thought the lyrics were fitting to the story.

RNR!

KNK

_**Under the grey and square sky  
It is filled with all kinds of desires today…**_

"Kaoru-dono…we better hurry up…it looks like it's going to rain soon de gozaru na."

His soothing calm voice filtered through her thought as the said kendo instructor turned towards the man walking beside her and offered him a cheerful smile.

"Hai!"

_**But I don't lose sight of the light among them  
And I can walk, looking forward…**_

The rain was slowly falling, gentle droplets of water hitting the calloused palm she held out to him. He threw her a questioning glance, amethyst eyes clouded with confusion. _What is she doing?_

"Kenshin…" she murmured, before closing her sapphire eyes and smiling ever so lightly, enjoying the feel of warm rain sliding across her face. "Let's not go home yet…this is so...wonderful…" she whispered, opening her cerulean irises and meeting his gaze.

The moment her gaze met his, he was drawn into them, seemingly drowning in her as he slowly advanced towards where she stood. Looking around the forest clearing and making sure no one was there to know about their rendezvous; gently he held out his arm and grasped her waist drawing her into an intimate embrace.

_Kenshin…_

_**Because you always show me  
That there remains a purity even in a corner of this city**_

His name escaped her breath as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. She was bubbling with happiness inside. In a rare display of emotions and boldness he had done something she never expected him to do. This sweet side of him, the gentle, caring and expressive man she so loved to see and be with yet eluded her had finally showed her how much he was willing to give for her happiness.

She turned her head slightly to see his face and a slight gasp left her lips.

His eyes were gently closed and a small smile was visible in his lips.

She had never seen him smile…genuinely.

_Then…there is still hope afterall…maybe he can still show me his true smile…and maybe we do have a chance to be together…_

_**Breathing calmly, I looked at you  
Who had fallen asleep, so exhausted  
The sweet, unprotected and innocent profile  
That no one in the world but me knows**_

"Kaoru…can I sit with you…?"

It was a rhetorical question yet she nodded, scooting to give him space. Settling beside her, both remained quiet, each buried deep in their own trail of thoughts. Finally…

"Kenshin…?"

"Hai..?"

She bowed her head, afraid to let him see the blush that was starting to stain her cheeks. "Don't you…don't you ever get tired…?"

He seemed genuinely surprised with her query. "Tired with what Kaoru-dono?" his face clearly showed confusion and yet there was a catch in his voice—an edge which Kaoru for one could not place.

"Of doing so many things…chores…tasks…you know…" _Of fighting? Of war? Of saving other peoples' lives when it's clear you have to save your own?_

"Maybe…" was his only reply.

Those were the last words he spoke to her that night. Moments later, Kaoru felt an unfamiliar weight settle on her shoulder. Sapphire irises widened when it dawned to her that the flame haired man had fallen asleep, his form leaning slightly against her, his breath warm against her pale skin.

_Kenshin…_

He looked so calm, so serene yet Kaoru felt herself fighting the tears that were slowly making their way in her eyes. She had never seen him appear so at peace, and so vulnerable. His everyday mask, devoid of any emotions had finally been removed, reflecting the truth and the emotions that he had truly tried to hide for so long. During the day, everyone knew him to be the strong, unbeatable god of a swordsman that succeeded and won against some of the strongest men in the country. Before, people even thought of him as a monster—someone who felt no emotions and enjoyed blood shed.

But now everything changed…

A tear escaped her glassy orb as she fought the urge to touch his face, knowing that such an action would rouse him from his light slumber. So instead, the raven haired woman sat quietly beside him, strangely comforted and touched to know that he had chosen her to share this infinitely precious and vulnerable side of his. She knew she would be the only one to know this Kenshin—and for that she was grateful, flattered even. The world may keep on guessing, the people may keep on judging but only she was gifted with the truth.

_Maybe he really becomes tired of it all…_

_**One day when the sunlight poured and the wind blew gently  
As if it were nothing special  
I felt alone that something was changing in me  
Slowly, firmly and surely**_

"_No..I didn't do it…I didn't mean to! No please don't go! Yamero! Yamero!"_

Hurried socked feet ran across the wooden floors of the house as Kaoru raced towards his room, knowing all too well that the swordsman was yet again having one of his cruel nightmares. Earlier that night as she lay silently on her futon she had felt his movements echo against the wooden boards. His struggles rose from controlled to desperate, persuading the then reluctant Kaoru to run towards where he slept.

Shock registered on her face when her eyes met the mess of his room. His pillow was askew, blankets everywhere and in the middle of the futon lay a panting Kenshin, hands balled into fists, hair mussed and matted with cold sweat.

Immediately, she felt her heart cry out for him as she slowly approached his shaking form, tears already blurring her vision. _Oh Kenshin…why must you suffer so much…?_ Gently she sat beside him, carefully raising his form to rest on her lap. Cradling him as any mother would to a lost child, softly, she tried to call him back, her fingers running lightly through his hair, her voice soft and whispered.

"_I didn't mean to kill them…I was blinded…I'm not a monster! Yamero! Yamero yo!..."_

She gasped with his words. _Monster? Of course you're not…_One could not fathom just how terrifying his dreams may be. Was it the souls of the people he had killed in the past coming back to haunt him? Was he seeing bodies of dead people? Was his dream too morbid for his own sake? Kaoru for one didn't know and the only thing she could do was to rock the broken man softly and will the nightmares to go away. His struggles proved to hurt her, his fingers digging tightly into her flesh and his movements violent; yet her heart spasmed more painfully than her skin, weeping out for him for each cry and words he murmured of. This man, this broken man was once known as Battousai—an assassin who killed anyone who dared to step on his plans. This was the man everyone felt terrified of—even Kaoru felt frightened of him when she was a child and yes—even when she was fighting with him, beside him, she felt terrified of the fact that the killer in him might resurface any time in her midst and she then would lose him.

Now she felt those feelings changing, the last of her fears ebbing away as understanding and realization dawned on her. The swordsman she held and cradled in her hands was a far cry from the killer that Battousai was. The anger, hatred and fear she felt towards his other persona slowly dissipating.

_**Though I wasn't sad at all, tears fell down  
Because your feelings sank painfully into  
The scar in the depth of my heart  
And changed it into tenderness**_

_How much can a man really suffer?_ Kaoru found herself asking. _Can his mind be able to bear the demons and pains inflicted on him by the past?_ She knew his pain and guilt were immeasurable, yet somehow, just the knowledge that the man she loved most was clearly suffering, was enough to bring tears of sadness and helplessness in her eyes. The woman felt, rather than knew that she would do anything for the man, would even die for him and would even ask him to share his burdens with her. If only he would be enlightened. If only the nightmares that plague him would leave him be…

Finally after what seemed like several long hours for Kaoru, Kenshin finally settled into a calmer slumber, his face no longer crumpled with sorrow and anguish. She continued to cradle him in her arms though, afraid that should she let go, the nightmares would start again. Running her fingers through his soft hair, she was just about dozing off when she felt him stir, cloudy amethyst eyes opening to collide with glassy sapphire ones.

"Kaoru…dono…"

His voice was weak and raspy, and as his mind reeled over the nightmare of a dream he just had, he felt guilt course through him, knowing that he had disturbed and woken her up in the course of it.

"It's alright Kenshin…go back to sleep…" she whispered, a stray tear somehow managing to escape and splattering gently on his cheek with a soft wet 'plop'. Despite this though, Kaoru felt her face burn with embarrassment knowing that she had been caught holding him in an uncompromising position. "I…I'm sorry..it seemed to me…" she stuttered, trying hard to explain why his head was settled on her lap or why they were such in an intimate position.

Inwardly he smiled at her shyness, mind delighting over the fact that she had been bold enough to hold him in the middle of the night. When she made a move to pull away, he found himself reaching out towards her, his grip gentle but firm.

"I'm sorry…for making you worry…" he murmured, wiping a tear that had travelled on her cheek. Rising so that he was kneeling face to face with her, slowly he took her hand and pressed it gently to his scarred cheek. "Please…stay with me…" he whispered, closing his eyes and relishing her touch, embarrassment and awkwardness thrown at the darkest, farthest corner of the room.

"Kenshin…"

"I don't want those dreams to come back and haunt me…and you're the only one who could pull me back from the abyss of guilt I find myself dragged into…" he explained softly, his fingers lightly skimming through her pale smooth face. "Stay here with me…Kaoru…always…"

"Of course…I'll always be with you…I'll always be here Kenshin…"

Her softly spoken words were enough to allow euphoria to burst in his chest as he smiled gratefully. Finally, mustering up enough courage, slowly his fingers reached out towards her, pulling her face gently towards his, tipping her chin and finally touching his lips with hers for the very first time.

His ministrations left her off guard and she was unable to react the moment she felt his lips pressed lightly against hers. When he made a move to pull away, taking her stillness for rejection, her hands found their way to either side of his face to pull him back to her, this time their lips meeting in a passionate and ardent kiss.

He was her first kiss—he could tell and he couldn't help but feel manly pride over the fact that he was the first and would be the last person she would be so intimate with. Slowly he taught her how to kiss, guiding her gently towards the brink of passion they so both craved for. When he felt she knew enough, he slid his tongue inside her, meeting and twining with hers as he pulled her roughly towards him.

Finally when the need to breathe became far too much, both reluctantly pulled away, yet his hands remained firmly planted on her waist. He felt her shudder and so he brought her in an embrace, fitting her form perfectly with his.

Kaoru sighed, contentment and happiness filling her heart and mind. The things that had transpired between them that night were enough to reassure her and dispel the doubts that had stayed bottled up inside her. She loved him, there was no question in that and though unvoiced as it was, Kaoru felt rather than knew that she too, was dearly loved in return.

_**If you come across deep sorrow  
I wish you will share it with me  
I'll be able to do anything for your smile  
My precious treasure…  
My precious treasure…**_

The next morning, as sunlight was softly filtering the thin rice paper screen doors of his room, cloudy sapphire eyes slowly opened for the first time. Allowing a pale hand to wipe away the last vestiges of sleep, a smile graced her lips when she felt his hands wrapped still on her waist, his face nestled on the crook of her neck. He was so close, only a breath away yet she dared not move unwilling for her quiet moment with him to end.

Yet her efforts seemed futile as amethyst irises collided with hers. Smiling, she heard him whisper a silent 'ohayou' as she snuggled closer to him. Intimate—she had never been this intimate with a man and even though all they did was sleep—sleep and nothing else—she knew it proved better than any other activities that might have had transpired after their kiss that night.

"Kenshin…?"

"Aa?"

She smiled, pressing a chaste kiss on his lips. "Will you let me now?"

His eyes widened with surprise with her words. "Ka-Kaoru?"

She shook her head, understanding his confusion. "Will you let me share your burdens with you? Will you let me share your pain?"

He sighed, pressing her closer to his. "I don't want you to suffer as much as I do Kaoru…love… You don't deserve this kind of pain…"

She felt tears pool at the base of her eyes as once again she shook her head negatively. "Please…I don't care how much I feel hurt, how much I suffer…I have chosen to share this burden with you and it is only in being one with you not only in happiness and in peace but also in guilt and in sorrow will I be truly happy…"

"Ka—Kaoru…"

"I don't want to force you into anything…I will wait for you Kenshin…I will wait for you to show me that genuine smile…a smile that does not hold pain and suffering…I will wait for that day…and I'll do anything to make your pain go away, what I wouldn't do to have you smile that real smile…one that does not hold back anything…" tears were already falling freely down her face as she choked on her sobs.

To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. Here was a pure, innocent and untainted woman asking him to share his sins with her? Most of the women would have fainted with just the notion in idea and yet here was his Kaoru, offering him comfort and solace he had so desperately needed all these years.

"You are the only woman to have truly captured my heart and soul in such a captivating manner and I would do anything and everything to protect you and keep you happy…" her gasp stilled him but only for a moment before he continued, "I am a tainted sinner and I do not wish to drag you in my unhappiness and yet there is something inside me telling me that this is the probable right thing to do… I don't know what had happened to make you want to share my burdens but I'm so damned glad you did." And with the last of his words, his lips crushed hers in a fiery and almost desperate kiss.

She sighed with their kiss, her thoughts melding with his. _Kenshin…I may not be able to lift the burden off your weary shoulders but at least now I can share it with you…whatever happens… just know that I would do anything to keep you happy… for you are the man I love and treasure most… Kenshin…aishiterru…_

_**If you come across deep sorrow  
I wish you will share it with me  
I'll be able to do anything for the smile  
My precious treasure  
My precious treasure**_

_**OWARI**_

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